Speaking With A Ghost

When I was a kid, I had a pretty intense fear of ghosts.

I could deal with monsters in the closet, and my moderately strange fear of aliens I acquired from watching too much of the sci-fi channel with my dad. But I remember very clearly of being scared of ghosts and demons as a kid. I was much more afraid of these things because to my child knowledge these were enemies I could not see with a blind eye. They could sneak up on me much easier than a big monster ever could, because I'd never see them coming. They'd sneak up on you when you least expected it, when your guard was down. 

I'm nineteen now, and I still have a very real fear of ghosts. I've never been to a haunted house & I refuse to watch scary movies with any paranormal theme. To be candid though, these are not the ghosts that I am most afraid of. 

I really hate when the ghosts of my past creep up beside me, when my guard is down, when I'm completely unprepared. At nineteen my ghosts look more like the scars from the things I would rather not remember. My ghosts of childhood past and lost, the ghost of self destructive behavior past, the one of relationships past & the vengeful ghost of relationships future. 

My ghosts look like the people I've hurt, the person I used to be, and all my biggest insecurities. Over the years, I've tried to make nice with these demons and ghosts. I've politely acknowledged their existence and not so nicely asked them to go. I've let them know that they aren't welcome here. I've let them know that it's time for me to forgive and forget. But no ones perfect, and no one knows my downfalls better than those mischievous ghosts. 

My ghosts come in the form of memories. When I drive into the neighborhood I used to live in, and I see the houses of people who I would rather shut out for good. I see the house where my childhood got cut too short. Sometimes my ghosts look just like home.

Some of the ghosts look like people. They look like the ones that I've loved and lost. The ones who I pushed away, the ones who walked away, the ones who I don't even recognize anymore. Some of my ghosts are strangers that I used to know like the back of my hand.

More often than not though- my ghosts look a lot like me. They look like the girl who used to keep the world inside her locked away. They look like the girl with scary & dark secrets of the self destructive nature. The girl who was scared of everything, but mostly herself. 

So, if my ghosts could hear me, I'd tell them it's time to go. I'd tell them the darkness of the past can not compete with the vibrancy of the future. I'd tell them that the person I was does not dictate where I will go- because the person I am holds the reins now. I'd tell them that I'm sorry but they overstayed their welcome the second they appeared. 

I've learned a lot from the show Ghost Hunters (believe it or not). You do not have to be big and tough and brave to put your ghosts into their place. You just have to make sure they know that their deeds in life are done, that they can move on. The best way to get rid of ghosts, is to put them to rest once and for all. To let them know that they have made their point, but their time here in the present is dead and gone. 

So to all the ghosts; I forgive you. But it's time for you to go.