We are not promised much in this life. We are not promised anything more than a heartbeat in our chest, but even with that promise comes a catch. We don't get to know the years within our life. We do not know how many times we get another chance at a new day. We don't know how many times we get to say "I love you" to the people who fill our hearts. We are just promised that within the time we have, we get to choose how we spend it.
It is so easy to live in the mindset that, "when I get older I will..." or "I will be happy when..." but life does not wait for us. We were never given a promise of tomorrow, and I am left to wonder how different our lives would look if we started living as such.
I think when it boils down to it, it is scary to think what life might look like if we made the risks that might actually change our whole life. It is scary to say, "I love you" and "I need you" or "You changed my whole life." It is scary to think of the rejection and the shock that could come from these words. However, I think the only thing scarier is the thought of not getting the chance to ever say these things at all. I'd rather be too direct than too late.
I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. But I know the things I want in the meantime. I was not meant to live a life of trying to make a future version of myself happy, and make the present me miserable. I was meant to live a life with a softened heart. I want my heart to be full and alive.
In the meantime, I want long car rides and sunsets with my friends. In the meantime, I want attack hugs and laughter. I want speechless moments and moments where I cannot contain the love I have for someone else to myself. In the meantime, I want to live for something. I want to get to the end of my life and know that even if I didn't get to do everything, I made the most of my time that I was given.
Right now, as you are reading this post, you are living in your "meantime." The time in between your first breath and your last. The time that is yours to spend. I don't know what it is that sets your heart on fire, and what things make you feel alive and important, but I know that if you aren't spending your time doing them, you're wasting your time.
There is a song that I love, a song that actually inspired this blog, it's called In The Meantime by Sleeping at Last. The whole song is genius, but there is a line that really gets me every time I hear it; "Fear is an illogical math- an impractical skill to have." It is so easy to be fearful of running out of time. It is easy to be fearful of what the future holds for us. It seems like we spend more time talking about the things we want to do instead of living the kind of life, and living the way we all desire so much.
Whatever your "meantime" is, I hope you start living it. I hope you do not keep waiting for the "right time" because in all honesty, I am not sure such a thing exists. The right time is now, because right now, this moment, this breath, this day, it is the only thing we are promised. Please go live your "meantime."