My Apologies

There are a lot of things that I probably need to apologize for in this life. I probably shouldn't curse so much. I probably should not drive so fast. I am sorry to my friends who text me and don't get a response for days. I'm sorry I'm perpetually late. 

However, there have been things that I have been made to feel sorry about that in all honesty, I feel do not require my apologies. 

I will not apologize for being too honest. I will not apologize for saying I don't like the way a certain person treats me. I will not apologize for saying "you're not sorry" to a person who overuses sorry, because sorry doesn't really mean much if you do the action again. Our hearts were never meant to be used for batting practice, and I will not apologize for calling "uncle" when my heart has had enough. I will not apologize for telling someone that they are made of magic and beauty in the moments that they can't peel themselves off the floor, because sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world is being human. It seems to me these days I'm in positions a lot where I am apologizing for being human. 

I will not apologize for being vulnerable. I will not apologize for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I will not apologize for "feeling too much." I will not apologize for telling people that I'm hurting, that I'm a puddle of emotions, that my heart might cave in because I love someone so much. I will not apologize for being "mushy" or "gentle." Being vulnerable is brave. Being vulnerable and putting your heart in someone's hands is beautiful. Because I am "mushy" but I can also be big, and tough, and strong. I am not defined by one quality of my millions. 

I will not apologize for being "a hugger." I will not apologize for being moved by a really beautiful movie, or for being the person who cries at concerts because a song has changed my heart so much. I will not apologize that my desires in life have much more to do with having a healthy soul with very little concern for my social status, the amount of money in my wallet, or what I look like. I will not apologize for my dreams; that they take up too much room, that they are ridiculous, that they are impossible, because to be fair we have put men on the moon. 

I will not apologize for my whimsy. I will not apologize for believing in fairy tales; especially the ones where I'm the knight and I save myself. I will not apologize for enjoying picture books no matter how old I am. I will not apologize for my love for love. I refuse to apologize that despite ever being in love, love is still my favorite thing to write about; my love for life, for the people that make mine so wonderful, romance and lack of it, my love for my dreams, my love for love. I will not apologize for my belief that love has the power to change the world. I will not apologize for assuming the best in people, for trusting people, for having faith in them. I am tired of the stigma that building walls and keeping people out makes you strong, and that having trust makes you naive. I think it is brave to have some faith, it is beautiful. 

I will not apologize for being human. I will no longer apologize if my laugh is too loud. I will not apologize for overusing "I love you" or "you're wonderful" or "you make my life better." I will not apologize for all these things that for so long I have felt the need to apologize for. Frankly, I think these things that I used to apologize for so much, I think they are what make me who I am. I am tender, and open, and loud, and loving- but these attributes do not make me weak. I am strong because I allow myself to be loved. I am better because of it. 

The world tells us we have to be one thing or another. You're weak or you're strong. You are shy or you are outgoing. You are guarded or you are vulnerable. You have faith or you don't. You are beautiful or you are ugly. Life was never meant to be so black and white. Everyday we are invited to define ourselves, to design a life that best fits us. Please do not feel the need to be one thing or another, and please stop apologizing when you don't fit into one certain category.  

In a world that is always telling us to feel less and hide our emotions more, please be open. Be tender. Be real. Be alive. Be vulnerable. Be human.