There is a really strange feeling that comes right when you're about to leave home. You start to remember all the loose ends you've been meaning to tie up.
Some of them you've been meaning to tie up for years, others just for a few months.
It comes with a sense of urgency because for the first time, you start to consider that your time in this place, at least for now, is almost up. You start to find yourself thinking about the overdue library books under your bed, or about that person who you've been meaning to see for months, but you haven't because you figured you had all the time in the world. Sometimes it is almost a relief to have loose ends because it seems like a really great excuse to come back to what is safe & familiar. It seems like a valid reason to visit memory lane, and maybe it even seems like a good enough reason to get comfortable there. It seems like a good idea to lay some foundation and put up a white picket fence and live on Memory Lane.
I like Memory Lane. I think a lot about just building my home on there and living content in the mundane, clinging to the past like an old friend, because while the past is certainly predictable, it is exceptionally comfortable.
I have a difficult time committing to things; I like not being tied down to any particular place or person. I am a wanderer to my core, and in some ways thats great, but far too often I tend to wander back to all the places I've already seen. The thing about Memory Lane is that I know how every chapter ends, and I am very tired of rereading the same stories over and over.
I am not proud to say that I have made a few too many decisions in my life based on fear. However, I have found myself waking up every morning with a sense of purpose to start making decisions based on something much bigger than that; and that is hope.
I am hopeful that there are far better things to come than anything Memory Lane can offer me. I am hopeful that my heart will heal in ways it hasn't yet. I am hopeful that the things I will accomplish and the hurdles I will overcome will be bigger and better than any of the ones that came before. I am hopeful that the people who I encounter will help me grow even more into who I was created to be, just as the people in my past have. I have hope that the endless sense of possibility doesn't fade with time, and that in my greatest moments of doubt, I still have that kind of faith in the future and what is yet to come.
Nostalgia is wonderful at times, but sometimes it can lead you to believe that the past was a much better place than it was. Memory Lane is great, because without it, we'd never see our progress, but I have decided that living in it day in and day out stunts growth, or stops it completely.
It has been wonderful living here on Memory Lane, but I am moving out.